Somehow I feel like taking up new courses, maybe a new degree or something, so that I can try new stuff. But is that really the main reason? I heard so many complaints. Well, not complaints actually. But more of a rant. Questions. Voices inside their head. And all other sorts saying are they doing this right? Is teaching for me? Why teaching? Pft. It is not like they expect me to answer them. I’m no one.

Uh crap I confuses my self sometimes. But who cares.

They say teaching has its stages, so before I went on explaining what is on my mind, I encourage you to click play and listen to the song while reading. Why? Just incase my writing is not as interesting as it should be, the music video would have entertained you. If that doesn’t work for you as well, i dont really care.

So here goes. It doesnt have to be in any order. It might go back and forth until something happened. Also available  in mixtures of A and B. Oh some C.

Teaching as a profession.

Its normal to say I guess, this is the time where each time you enter the school, your heart is burning with passion. You want to make the change. You are the change. You will make everything better for your student. With all the knowledge you have from your previous life learning sessions, you are prepared and ready to embark on a journey that will forever change the lives of your students. You would do anything to reach out that goal of being the Great Teacher.

Everything is cool.

After a few months, things seems to get a little different. But you find your way. You managed to pull it through. Accepting, Cursing, Kicking, and Bitching. Harsh words, but its true. You managed to put up with the office politics, management, policies, and your students behavior. All of a sudden, you thought to yourself, is this going on forever..ever… ever…ver..er… Oh your friends told you that you “look and talk like a teacher!” What a coincidence.

Chasing butterflies.

Thiisss isss spaaaaartaaa. Well no. Everything changes. You dont have the flare anymore. You ignored most of the school by now. You basicly live in your own world. You go in classes and came out wondering what kind of damage you had done. You just sit around in the staff room waiting for your next class. When there is nothing to do, you go home. School is the last thing you want to know about. You go to school. But you are not there.

Whatever.

You go to school. Now you claim you go there, just for your students. Without them, I wont even bother. You started getting picky. You favor some class, some you dont even bother. You will find reasons to skip any activity that you feel you want to. You make new friends with the local clinic and health agencies. You look forward to school holidays.

Sea-sick, Teach-sick

Same as above, and maybe more visits to the local clinic. You are now like a Chipsmore. Maybe with a higher frequency of going missing. When you are in your class, you wonder what to teach. You sometimes refuse to go in random classes for relief. You are late to most of your class. Conclusion. Lazy.

Oh please, something new!

This is where you thought, if you are given one more chance, you will change to something else. Actor maybe? Singer? You ignored everything. You just do. What you are supposed to do. Nothing more. No more new thinking. Methods. Teaching aids sounds like a disease. Students are most likely puzzled most of the time. They enjoy your class the most because they have to do nothing. You are at the edge. Any major events will cause you to break down and leave the profession.

The Architect.

End point. This is where you are the teacher. When you talk, your students listens. When you walk, all the wind blows and the.. uh oh. Sounds too much. Well you are at the peak of a teaching profession. And going down is not an option. And bla bla bla. Basicly this is THE TEACHER. WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

What? This is not helping me!

So now, the question is about reaching to the last stage and making it through. That last stage will differentiate you between the teacher whom you despise during your school days and the coolest teacher you have ever met. The transition is challenging. I dont even know what? Or how? Only you can make the change. You have the decision. It has, have and had always been you.

If people ask me, which stage I am on now, I’d say.

The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book. To quote a lecturer of mine before, you touch their heart, you will touch their mind. So when you teach from your heart you will touch their heart and automatically touch their mind and ta da they will be brighter and more intelligent now. Its like magic magic magic~

Phew, does that made me sound like a philosopher? Oh you get me. Yay?

Eh, I blog’d?

So for today, I’ll leave you guys with a song. Yay? Jack Johnson – If I had eyes

Lyrics

If I had eyes in the back of my head
I would have told you that
You looked good
As I walked away

If you could’ve tried to trust the hand that fed
You would’ve never been hungry
But you never really be

The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
or are we just holding onto the things we don’t have anymore

Sometimes time doesn’t heal
No not at all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I’m gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won’t let me in
Always looking out

Lot of people spend their time just floating
We were victims together but lonely
You got hungry eyes that just can’t look forward
Can’t give them enough but we just can’t start over
Building with bent nails we’re
falling but holding, I don’t wanna take up anymore of your time
Time time time

Sometimes time doesn’t heal
No not all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I’m gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won’t let me in
Always looking out
Always lookin

Come on dude, what is this all about?
I often asked myself, why do I need a blog. Not only that I ask myself, there are actually real life people who asked me the same question. Yes, I am pretty shocked as well. Someone out there is reading. So these are the questions. With the kind answers too.

• Why cant just this website be a shop for online ice cream ordering, with deliveries all over the country.
• Tell me the business model and I’ll reconsider.

• Do I enjoy writing?
• It helps me really. I’m not a good writer but at least I tried.

• or I enjoy pissing off my readership with nonsense all the time?
• Is this even a question?

• Why would I write about something personal and tell the world about them?
• Because the world cares

• You dont even have adsense here.
• This is a blog, not an advertising agency/billboard.

• This blog is totally pointless.
• So is your comment.

What do you write about?
Most of my previous post, which I deemed unnecessary were hidden, gone, lost, I don’t know where it went. And yes, I lost track of what I like to talk about. Before, I’d tell stories of life (motivational) and how it relates to me (seriously?), us in anyway (aww.). How was my love life (hor.) and how of a geek I am (i dont think i passed). Now, I just write random stuffs like this.

Where do you plan to go with this blog?
International Robotics Olympiad. Pft. Nowhere.

Oh, that gave me an idea.

Which will always stays as an idea.

So to conclude this, as a reminder to myself I’d say, you can think big, all might and high all you want, if you don’t DO, you don’t know.

Words will only get you votes. Eh?

Busy day eh?

I’m not even sure what am I busying about. All I know is, theres always something to do next, after, then, etc etc. Less time for myself. Thou I do get lost when im around myself. I dont know what to do.

Game?

Well, at the moment, none interest me enough to fulfill my gaming needs. I dont know what to play. So instead of thinking, I resort into Strategy games, leaving my mmos to a stand still now.

Your mmos?

Stop being a bish. I dont own any. What I meant is the games I play.

Talking to yourself is fun and amazing at times. I need topics. Gah.

Later.

previously

well before this i do get a number of viewership. but i feel sorry for them. this is mainly because they are reading what i type. after rereading my posts, sometimes i think i dont even make sense. im typing as if im talking, which makes it harder to understand. or easier? well i’m just happy i’m at the typing side.

are you sick?

er, medically yeah. but i think its because of the workload and the weather. well always someone to blame. maybe its just me? that i cant stand what i am doing right now. or im just a plain lazy bum who likes to sit infront of his pc and enjoy his mmos. oh that sounds lovely.

where are you going with this?

well, after a year doing what i am doing now, im not sure if im at the right place. sure i do enjoy doing it. but im not even sure im doing it right? well thats so much of doing. doing things right at the right place with the right attitude.

reviving passion
is it a lost cause? or do i need to find myself again? i feel like im this 18 yld trying to decide what to do next. can i find the courage and energy to keep going and doing this for the next few years. its a battle within myself atm.

or rethinking future.
rethinking future, is restart. so you wanna restart? maybe at certain points. with the condition i am in right now, i just want to eat ice creams. i cant keep my head straight just to think.

what lies ahead?
im not even sure. but one thing for sure. whats best for me right now is take a chill pill, lay your head to rest, close your eyes, and hoped that when you wake up, it will all just be a dream. haha. no no. when you wake up, everything will be fine again?

pft.

Pft, yeah, you know, sometimes you have the urge to write thousand of lines, but in the end, nothing happened.

Whats up?

There is so many things going on my mind. But not even one make sense. I am not even sure whats happening. Am I going through some sort of changes. Like what?

Haha, sometimes ranting like this helps. Sometimes. I do hope it is most of the time. Seriously reading through what I just wrote, doesn’t even make any sense.

And so you’re back?

Have I returned? I have been on hiatus since forever. But I love the domain too much to let it go. I might as well make something out of it. Maybe a fansite for people who loves ice-cream? Or maybe just a place for me to write things. Whatever I want, when ever I want.

Where am I heading?

Seriously, no idea. One thing on my mind right now is trying to get my hands on a new car. I know I know, its so like a waste of money, but I think thats my aim right now.

How have you been doing?

Lately my head is spinning up top, and easily pissed off even at small things. I don’t know. Really. Maybe its just you.

Why are you answering questions like this?

Uh oh, I guess it helps me to write. Sometimes (damn notice how I use sometimes, A LOT), I guess I just need more time.

Later.

Kat sini aku ada beberapa sebab kenapa sekarang hantaran makin mahal.
Hah… korang bacalah:-

Sebab
1. Anak pompan sorang
2. Anak pompan sekolah tinggi 20 tingkat
3. Anak pompan paling jambu dalam family
4. Anak pompan kerja high post
5. Anak pompan biasa pakai barang branded
6. Anak pompan yang tastenya… berkajang-kajang kalau disenaraikan
7. Kakak belum kahwin; jadi kena kasi double untuk belanja kakaknya sekaligus
8. Anak pompan yang rasa dirinya… lengkap segala-gala
9. Bapak pompan towkay kayu balak; mak pulak bekas eksekutif
10. Anak pompan tu pun jenis ek… semacam jer

Selalunya jawapan yang diberi oleh pihak lelaki kalau hantaran melampau sangat (ni dorang bebual antara family lelaki je):-
1. “Eh! Nak meniaga anak ke pe?” Kadang tu mak bapak ok jer si anak lak lebih-lebih
2. “Kalau pandai masak ke jahit ke; satu hal jugak. Ni asik pandai mekap je.”
3. “Camni bilang dorang simpan anak tu dalam store buat perhiasan.”
4. “Kalau lawa macam Karisma Kapoor tu takpe jugak. Ni idung pesek macam kena lenyek je.”
5. “Apa dorang ingat kita sedara Bill Gates ke?”
6. “Lupakan sudah budak pompan tu. Nanti mak carik kan yang lebih power dari Catherine Zeta-Jones eh?”

Kata2 dari sebelah pompan yang lelaki ingin sangat nak dengar :-
1. “Ikut suka hatilah. Berapa yang lelaki kasi; kita ambik je. Member tak cerewet.”
2. “Takpelah. Kalau tak boleh adakan sekarang; kahwin dulu. Lepas tu bayar pelan-pelan cara instalment.”
3. “Jangan bimbang. Korang cuma adakan hantaran je. Duit majlis semua kita sponsor.”
4. “Pasal sekarang ni musim great sale sana sini; jadi kita ada staff discount. Korang cuma kasi 10% je.”
5. “Berapa korang nak kasi, kasilah. Nak ambik free pun takpe. Anak pompan kita ramai lagi.”
6. “Apakata kalau korang ambik kakaknya sekali. Tapi hantaran tetap sama. Kira 2 for the price of 1 ler. Risaulah kakaknya tak kahwin-kahwin.”

Kalau kena pulak family lelaki yang loaded makan tak abis punya; jawapannya :-
1. “Okay setuju. Kita up lagi RM10,000. Nothing much ler.”
2. “Ehh sikit nah! Camni tak nak lah. Tak sama standard dengan kita punya expectation ler.”
3. “Ni hantaran kira Rupiah ke Sing dollars? Kita cuma simpan American dollars je.”
4. “Kita tak kasi pakai cash ler. Korang pilih nak AMEX ke; Diners ke; boleh kata semua credit card kita ada lah.”
5. “Sebagai hadiah upacara masuk minang ni; kita ada siapkan kereta Lambhorgini. Tu anak bujang kita tengah parking kat bawah tu.”
6. “Ni korang mintak hantaran ke; mintak duit nak belikan dia baju tidur.Murah nah?”

awesome right? xD!

and talking about shy reminds me of a lot of things… hell i wish i had the confidence. i think i do. but i dont know much? i dont even know myself? do i need a self pro-founding journey just to really know myself? i have my problems. i dont even talk that much nowadays. i kept things to myself. and i feel safer that way. it is so.. unrewarding?

gah! i always refuse to fight. not that i’m a coward, or maybe i am? i just dont want to cause any trouble. i hate complications. sometimes i wish myself so far away so that i am not near anything at all. so i can sit in silence. or maybe suffer in silence? no no, maybe just sit in silence. i’m just done with all the suffering already. lol at this. its getting emo-er.

ah theres a few stuffs missing. infact, i want a lot of stuffs.. a lot of things.. a lot of..

i want..

a lot of things.

not to say that i wish,

i want to the new ac2 game, even if its not exclusively for the new console.

i want to be healthier than i am today, for some reason i think i should and its been awhile.

i want a new car, anything fast will do, or maybe comfy.

i want to meet me with a Maserati too one day, this will epic.

i want to achieve something, something worthwhile, rather than just sit around.

i want more time.

i want to say things i dont want to say.

i want to feel more alive, than just a slob, or that something like in starwars.

i want to dance and jump around for no reason at all, sometimes?

and last but not least, the most important thing is,

i want to turn back the time,

and tell her how much i like her

(period)